Confession

I think Im starting to go back to how I was...Everyday it seems like I sink deeper and deeper into this dark place within myself. I've been walking around faking like everything is okay for the past few weeks now. Giving people a porcelain smile...not one person noticed the emptiness in my eyes...the dark circles from lack of sleep. I'm trapped in my own person hell...holding myself back from redemption. Friday night I took a walk in the rain...no jacket...no umbrella. Nothing to cover me up. My tears flowed freely as they became one with the rain that was pouring down on me. I was crossing the street and wasn't paying attention and this car almost hit me. Luckily they were able to stop in time and I made it across the street. The sad part was that I stood there almost bracing myself to be hit. Later i couldn't help but wonder why couldn't that car have just hit me? How low have I sunk to just want to not be here anymore..to want to fade away from exisitence. My heartbreaks a little more every hour and bleeds everyday. And I don't even care anymore. I don't give a fuck if I'm ever happy again...If I ever feel okay...If my pain ever stops...none of that matters to me anymore. Im drowning myself in my own pain...makes me die a little more a little harder with each passing day. I truly hate myself right now...I feel like a waste of space..maybe I should remove myself.